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Previously, I worked as a teacher and I was caught up with teaching in class because it gave me satisfaction and joy. I enjoy time with students. I almost forgot hardship and anxiety for living. When the students passed the exams and they paid respect to me, I was happy for their success. Since a college student, I wanted good education and broaden knowledge. The more I explored for my passions for them, the more disappointed I felt about them. So, I myself go with the flow indulging myself and avoiding my inner call. I escaped the call of my desire with my busy routine. I did not think about which way I would be living before death. Most of my days were just hoping something forward for each better day. I did not listen to my desire because it could be impossible to think beyond prescribed education in my country. Besides, many graduated students became trishaw drivers or vendors.

Again, I was curious to observe my future. So, I made up my mind to change my job. I got a job as a computer technician when I graduated with computer course. With a new job, I learned practical skills at work and granted broad views of the computer field. Giving full attention and services to customers was important. I realized that my daily routine was repeating itself and quite different from my previous job. The functions of a technician were less creative than teaching even though both goals were giving satisfaction to the customers. But sometimes I found my teaching skills were effective in the computer job while I dealt with the customers about technical maintenances because the customers could do some parts of maintenance. It would save a lot of money. During those days, repetition at work made me bored and depressed to go to work every day. I was carrying as a lifeless body and going to an aimless direction because the job gave me no pleasure and it did not require much my own creative idea. It was just a looping routine for my own survival. I worked for a survival and struggled with a merely extra income to be able to pass each day. I could not almost have time to think about what I wanted and what I desired for my living. I wondered when that tiresome and aimless routine might end but worried that it would come before death.

These livings always ended without attachment at all. I just followed where I should belong according to my school degree. I chose jobs accordingly based on the degree. When I became a technician, I felt that I was isolated from the desire I dreamed. I just followed without knowing my own call of living. So, I was struggling with inconvenience when I faced difficulties at work I could easily give up for them. The job seemed distanced from my true feeling for my living. I did not feel that I knew what I was doing. I only expected that I needed to live better and survive well. I assumed that it was the only way of living before death. So, I ignored my feeling of living with compassion and attachment.

Now I realize that there are many things beyond my needs. They can not satisfy me but I lost almost a real meaning of living without knowing my desire. I sense that I need to open my mind even death would come anytime but rejoice it with satisfaction of the ways I have lived. I should grow my desire. I will follow my own and unique call of living before death. I start changing for a new life as an open minded person. I sense that I am not afraid of questioning myself. I will devote myself to deepen my call. I will sacrifice to lessen my self interests but experience of a profound way of living and project myself for building my society for a better place. It is where I belong to and appreciate experiences of living. It is the way I would like to live before my death.

Thank you "Nhkum Gum" for sharing his life review for my blog reader!